Why Your Boyfriend Won’t Speak Spanish With You (And What To Do Instead)

In this post: Why won’t your boyfriend speak Spanish to you? Learn Spanish and connect with your boyfriend without straining the relationship.

“I really want to speak Spanish so I can talk to my boyfriend’s family. But every time I try to get him to help me practice, he avoids me. He makes a joke or changes the subject. It’s so frustrating.” 

That’s something I’ve heard a couple of times. And, if your boyfriend, husband, or partner is a native speaker, who won’t speak Spanish with you? That’s a red flag--but not about him. 

It’s a sign that you might be pushing your relationship out of synch.

You may have many reasons for wanting to learn Spanish, including a genuine desire to understand your partner or fit in with his family.

So you may be feeling confused and baffled that your boyfriend doesn’t want to speak with you.

In this post, we’ll have an honest and open talk about why your boyfriend might hesitate to speak Spanish with you. (And why that’s actually quite common).

You’ll find out what you can do to learn Spanish on your own without messing up the rhythm of your relationship.  

And I’ll share some of my favorite fun ways for couples to connect over shared interests in Spanish, inviting communication without forcing it.

Because when you approach it the right way, letting languages flow in your multilingual relationship is a little like learning to dance together.  You have to find the rhythm, connect, discover the joy of shared experiences, and just have fun. 

Ready to give it a try?

While reading this post, consider these questions:

• Why do you want to speak more Spanish with your boyfriend? 

• Would communicating in more than one language make your relationships closer or better? 

• Does he seem comfortable with the idea? 

• Do you have other opportunities to speak Spanish?

First--why won’t your boyfriend speak Spanish with you?

Let’s start with that burning question. Why won’t your boyfriend speak Spanish with you? 

Here’s the hard truth: he’s got a lot of (good) reasons.  Here they are, no sugarcoating:

#1 It’s easier to communicate in English. 

How many times in your past relationships have you thought you were on the same page as your partner--only to realize that you didn’t understand each other? Adding Spanish to the mix when you’re still learning can lead to misunderstandings.

Maybe your level of Spanish is enough to allow clear communication on some topics. But it doesn’t allow for the same level of communication or intimacy you’re both used to.  

When you ask your boyfriend to Speak Spanish with you, you may unwittingly be asking him to give up something important to your relationship.

#2 He might be afraid of changing the dynamic.

When you first met, did you strike up the conversation in Spanish--or English? Do you hang out with friends and family and speak English?  

Then, even if your Spanish is good enough for smooth communication, switching to Spanish might still shake up the status quo.  

Your boyfriend might not want to change a good thing. 

#3. He’s proud of his English. 

Whether it took him a long time to become bilingual or he just grew up that way, your boyfriend may be proud of his ability to speak English. 

And if it was hard for him to learn English, he may even be afraid of losing the English level he worked hard to reach.

#4 He doesn’t want to become your teacher (and he doesn’t know how!).

Imagine it--the two of you are cozied into the deep leather chairs of your favorite bar, sipping drinks. Your boyfriend notices you made an error in Spanish, sets down his drink, and explains all the uses of the subjunctive, with examples.

Romantic, right? 

And it’s not realistic, either.

I have news for you. Your boyfriend may have no idea why you should use the subjunctive.

He’s most likely just using the subjunctive without realizing it--or even knowing what it’s called.

That’s because, when you grow up speaking the language, you don’t learn the grammar rules like you do when you learn the language as an adult.

Explaining your mistakes puts your boyfriend in a difficult (and irritating) situation. It’s a romance killer.

And don’t forget…

#5 Your boyfriend doesn’t want to make you mad. 

If you’ve never experienced this, just wait till you’re having a tense discussion or mild disagreement with your boyfriend--and then he corrects your grammar to boot. 

No matter what topic you’re discussing, it’s easy to break the rhythm and the mood or get on someone’s nerves with all those little corrections. 

Don’t worry, it’s not you.

Whatever the reason your boyfriend doesn’t want to speak Spanish to you, it’s quite common. 

And you don’t want to risk your relationship over the subjunctive, your pronunciation, or a misunderstanding.

When your boyfriend won’t speak Spanish with you, do this instead.

The truth is, you don’t need your boyfriend to help you learn Spanish. 

And if you hope he’ll want to speak with you in Spanish someday, you need to take a step back and let him make that decision on his own.

Try improving your Spanish on your own first first. 

Here are just a few learning strategies you can do on your own.

You can make a lot of progress with your own smart, structured Spanish habits--especially if you’re trying to reach fluency. Try any of these: 

• Read Spanish books, newspapers, or magazines to immerse yourself in the language and build fluency, comprehension, and vocabulary.

• Practice writing in Spanish (yes, it also helps with speaking). Maintain a journal, write essays, or do writing exercises in Spanish.

• Take a Spanish self-study course with high-quality, step-by-step instruction so that you have the foundation to push yourself toward better conversations.

Learning Strategies You Can Do with Others (Not Your Boyfriend):

There are people out there who would love to speak Spanish with you. 

Try any of these to have fun and become more conversational in Spanish without jeopardizing your relationship:

• Find a language exchange buddy: Is there someone who would love to find another patient language learner to speak to? Help each other with specific questions or chat over coffee or during a workout. Everyone wins.

• Find a Spanish-speaking meetup or interest group in your community where you can enjoy one of your interests while speaking Spanish--from dancing to game nights to religious services.  

• Join a Spanish language book club or organize your own.

Work on your Spanish without your boyfriend, and you’ll become more conversational and comfortable in the language--without straining your relationship.

But you don’t have to stop there. 

Try some of these fun Spanish activities you can do with your boyfriend.

Ok, you’ve stopped trying to force your boyfriend to speak Spanish with you. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story of bringing the language and the culture into your relationship.

Now, it's time to tap into the power of proximity.  Now it’s time to brainstorm some exciting and positive activities that you both love--that just happen to be steeped in Spanish.

By finding natural and authentic situations you both enjoy, those conversations in Spanish you’ve been hoping for will evolve naturally.

Even if the conversations don’t happen right away, you’ll both have a great time doing something you love--together and strengthen your relationship in the process.   

Here are just a few ideas to get you started:

Switch on a fantastic Spanish Netflix series.

Imagine curling up on the couch and watching a great crime series like Quién Mató a Sara or a wicked comedy like Club de Cuervos a few nights a week. It’s a great way for both of you to unwind from your day and enjoy something in Spanish together.

Or tune into a Spanish podcast over your morning coffee.

Do you enjoy news programs, cultural shows, politics, philosophy, or travel? The point is to find a Spanish-language podcast that celebrates something you both have in common. Who knows? You might even find yourselves chuckling together or talking about what you heard. 

Attend a Latin music concert or festival.

Whether you’re in Los Angeles, San Antonio, Chicago, Phoenix, Duluth, or Washington, DC, if you and your boyfriend are music lovers, you’re bound to find concerts in Spanish.  

You can find reggaeton, hip hop, urban music​, 90s Latin pop hits, or rock en español. You can even find Latin music festivals worth attending for a multi-day event.

Do you love to dance? Then don’t even get me started!

There are all kinds of clubs that feature a fusion of different styles of Latin music; you’ll find they attract seasoned dancers and well-known artists and DJs. 

If you find a club you like and make it a habit, you can invite friends or make new ones. And you just might find yourselves getting pulled into a Spanish conversation or two.

Pack your suitcase and take a trip to a Spanish-speaking city. 

There is nothing like a weekend wandering the trendy Roma or Condessa neighborhoods of Mexico City, drinking coffee, people-watching, and wandering in and out of state-of-the-art museums.

Or a week-long trip to some warm and sandy location where you can hike, surf, and then grab some great food and local brew.

Regardless of your destination, the point is to get out of your usual environment and routines and reconnect as a couple.

In that new environment, where the language is all around, you may find yourselves naturally slipping into Spanish.

Takeaways

You probably have some important reasons for wanting your boyfriend to speak Spanish with you. Whether you want to understand another side of him, become closer, or improve your Spanish to connect more with his family. 

Just remember that your boyfriend may have his reasons for not wanting to practice Spanish with you.

I hope you’ll remember that bringing Spanish into your conversation with your partner is a lot like learning to dance together. 

It’s something you both have to want to do. And forcing things will just throw you off, leaving you stepping on each other’s toes. 

Attracting more Spanish into your relationships is about flow, connection, and responding to the music around you. It’s also about being intentional, creating the kinds of experiences that naturally bring out the words in Spanish.

Each step, from watching a Spanish film to dancing to Latin beats, brings you closer. Over time, like many multicultural couples, you’ll create your own unique dance.

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